While I was at drop in over the weekend I found myself a number of times saying "Hey don't use that word please" or "Hey, you know that you can't use that language here" more than once the response was "That's not a swear word" or "I use that word at home".
The most prominent double standard that most teens deal with is the one where the rules that are put in place to guide their lives are not modeled by the adults in their life, leaving them questioning why adults can do things they can't . . . for the most part I think double standards are dangerous. In some cases adulthood does make the difference but If you don't want your child to use certain language, you using it probably isn't the best example.
But I think a new double standard has surfaced, Where schools, youth centers, organizations (extra curricular activities) etc. used to be working with parents, they are now enforcing rules that aren't enforced at home. They are actually working against each other. I am not saying this is true of every home at all. But it seems to be an increasing reality in the lives of teens I see on a regular basis. We think we are enforcing normal rules "don't swear", "be respectful", "don't sleep around", when really we are introducing a whole new set of rules into the lives of these teens, and they don't get it, they don't see why we would ask these things of them.
It drives me a bit crazy . . . (yes I know I don't have kids so I'm not trying to tell anyone how to parent, but I do spend a lot of time with them so I think my opinion is valid) But I just wonder when good common courtesy and respect stopped being a home enforced rule. And what are we supposed to do with that when we interact with teens . . . follow suit?
Haley, I completely agree, and I have 4 kids and run a youth program. It drives me crazy and breaks my heart all at the same time. I find the "do as I say not as I do" mentality far too common with our young peoples parents. To the point that when I asked a parent to watch their language around my own kids they told me they "taught" their kids that some words are "adult" words that they're not allowed to say! SERIOUSLY?!?! I agree completely, if we don't want our kids doing it we shouldn't either!
ReplyDeleteWell I'm glad I'm not the only one :)
DeleteI feel the same way too Haley! I've had a couple of practicums in classrooms with various ages of students and done other work with young children, and the words that come out their mouths are incredible, espcecially for such young ages! It seems like you have to teach kids not to say such language, as well as what 'please' and 'thank-you' mean, as I don't hear it very often. It's sad to think that parents haven't taken it upon themselves (from my experience) to teach their kids this stuff! I'm glad I'm not the only one to feel this way too!
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